[image: a wedding ring made from bone with
inscription ab intra, meaning from within]

–But baby look at this f**kin’ ring I gotcha, c’mon I sold my wheels for this. Look, look at the size of dat diamond: dat shit’d make yo’ sistas faint!

–I don’t want no goddamn gems no more, muthaf**ka! I WANT YOUR BONE!

This is the way things are: people are getting married and instead of exchanging vows and (semi-)precious metals and gemstones, they are exchanging vows and rings made from their own bone. No shit. See The Modern Wedding: now exchange vows and bones in The Guardian.

How to do this? Well, let’s say 50 cent wanted to give the Mrs 50 cent-to-be a ring made from his bone. Then

  1. 50 cent would first have to get his wisdom teeth removed so that the dentist/biojewellers could stick a needle into his jawbone to extract osteoblasts, the cells which prompt the growth of bone.
  2. [image: 50 cent gettin’ wise]

  3. 50 cent’s biojewellers would then grow bone cells from the osteoblasts in a petri dish on a ring of “bioglass”, a porous substance which dissolves as the bone-ring grows to replace it:

    [image: ring of “bioglass”]

  4. The ring of the supastar’s bone would then be fixed to a metal band et cetera et ceteri, possibly engraved, one may even attempt to insert precious stones.

Eager warriors of the bone may indeed ask how much, how much??! 2000 pounds sterling is the current going rate and this does NOT include the extraction of the wisdom teeth. The biojewellers even have their own website and it’s a good one; you even get to meet couples who have decided to diverge from the path tradition has laid before them and gone the Way of the Bone.

This type of innovation does not occur enough. What it reminds me of is the idea behind putting the following two facts together:

  • Diamonds can be made/synthesised from virtually anything containing carbon.
  • Humans contain carbon. In particular, the ashes of a person who has been cremated contain carbon.

[image: the millenium star diamond 1]

For cases of ashes turned to diamonds, look here.

The idea of turning your deceased loved one’s remains into a diamond and the idea of using your own bone as a wedding ring previously would have both been metaphors, figures of speech, sweet nothings whispered into the nape of a lover. In a sense, they probably still are. However, John Barber’s metaphor is ever so real:

When John Barber thinks about his wife Lynn, who died from cancer a few weeks ago, he remembers her eyes. “She had beautiful blue eyes,” Barber said. Now he’s anxiously awaiting the arrival of blue diamonds, created from his wife’s ashes. (see this here article).